In the last week we got Rebecca’s hospital bed and set it up in the living room (what I would call the “frontroom”, but I keep being told that it’s the living room.). This allows her to look out the front window in the front of the house in the room that is in the front, so that’s cool too. Rebecca is more comfortable, but getting up and down is much more difficult since her legs are so very heavy. We’ve had many visitors from friends and family come by, and she has enjoyed all the people and conversations.

Silly cancer continues to fill her body with fluid and her mid section has now started to get larger. Also one of her arms has started to look like it’s filling with fluid. This fluid thing is quite a spirit damper, it feels annoying that there’s nothing to be done to stop her from having her body fill with fluid and stretch all of her skin out so uncomfortably. We are going to try doing some Lasix again, but that hasn’t seemed to help in the past so we’ll see.

I’m pretty much working from home these days, so I get to see her a lot and be near her. She’s much more at peace now that the decision to stop treatment was made.

The not knowing the timeline on things, or what’s going on inside her body is hard – for both of us. It’s also difficult not to know how this will go (rapid, slow, noticeable, sudden) Her walking is increasingly hard with legs being weak and her feet so swollen it makes walking painful and uneven. Going up the stairs after having to go somewhere is getting close to not being able to be done anymore as it’s a very hard feat. I don’t quite know what caring for her once she can’t walk anymore will look like, but that’s a bridge to cross when we get there.

Good things are that her pain is under control, that we don’t have 7 or 8 appointments every week, the stress of treatments and the days of pain that followed is no longer, no more hospital visits, her not being able to stand up means that I get lots of opportunities for hugs and kisses throughout the day, she’s out in the room that we are all in most of the day, her mind is still pretty sharp and we are able to talk and laugh together about things, my job allows me to be flexible in being here to care for her, her appetite has been better lately which makes me happy that she’s getting more calories now, there are lots of friends and family that want to see her and spend time visiting with her, etc, etc. Rebecca and I don’t take these things for granted and we are very thankful for them.

Love to you all.